If there’s one thing a good parent is going to do, it’s be protective. I totally get it because I’m one myself.
No one wants to see their child, whether they’re literally a minor or an adult, get piled on for a mistake they’ve made. We all make them, and we all need to learn from them without feeling like the world is coming down on us. But when your child is wrong, accountability and an apology are crucial. That should come first.
So, I’ve been a bit puzzled by the approach that the parents of Alaila Everett have taken.
In case you haven’t heard about it, Everett is a Virginia high school student who is one of two subjects of a viral video captured during a track meet at the state finals in March. Everett and Kaelen Tucker were in a 4×200-meter relay, neck and neck, and literally very close as they rounded a corner during the race. Once they came out of the curve, it’s seen on camera that Everett’s hand, with her baton in it, comes down and hits Tucker over the head one time. Tucker stumbles and grabs her head, collapsing off the track. Everett finished the race.
Since that video made the rounds, Tucker said she dealt with a concussion and could have a possible skull fracture, and there has been a petition requested for a charge of assault and battery on Everett for the incident. Everett has since become a tearful, empathetic figure for some as she’s attempted to defend herself on local news, saying the moment was an accident and that because of the contact between them, “my baton got stuck behind her back like this, and it rolled up her back,” she recounted to WAVY. “I lost my balance. When I pumped my arms again, she got hit.”
She added, “They’re going off of one angle. I know what happened. I’m just a person by myself; nobody’s going to believe me. I can admit from the video it does look purposeful, but I know my intentions, and I would never hit somebody on purpose because of jealousy.”
After the petition for the charge, Everett became even more of the focus of the incident, as a rally was held in her honor to show support. At the event, the teen and her parents continued to say that the whole incident was an accident and she was being unfairly villainized. She sobbed at the rally, where people emphatically chanted, “We stand for Alaila Everett.” The president of the Portsmouth chapter of the NAACP was present and said that he didn’t feel the charge was warranted and that it didn’t need to become a legal situation.
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I’ve read that people online have also been quite ugly to Everett. Death threats are a wildly inappropriate response to this matter. Any verbal attacks from trolls and racists online towards the teen are unacceptable. She’s still a child.
But I wonder how differently this situation would have played out publicly if Everett had first said, “I’m sorry.”
Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and Everett’s speeches and interviews have not included a heartfelt apology that acknowledges that. Instead, she’s become more of a victim than the actual victim.
Because let’s be clear, Tucker is the one who was truly harmed in this incident. While Everett’s parents have apologized on her behalf, the father getting on the phone with the coach and Tucker’s dad, the victim’s parents have said the athlete has yet to say sorry, including for not stopping to help their daughter after the hit. And as the Tuckers told WSLS, “Even if it was a fluke or freak accident, you still would check on her.” In the video, we see Tucker fall and Everett doesn’t stop out of shock or concern. She went ahead and finished, only for her school’s team to be disqualified. According to Everett, once she finished the race, her coach said he would handle it and told her to focus on doing her cool down.
But again, even if it wasn’t intentional, why not say sorry? That would be the loudest thing from my mouth in all of these front-facing interviews. “I’m so, so sorry it happened and I hope she’s ok! But honestly, it was an accident. I want her to know that. I’m not a monster!”
Instead, we got an annoyance that the Tuckers went to the news, and in response, this: “When I seen her on the news I was like, ‘Oh, she thinks I did it on purpose. Maybe I should text her.’ I found her Instagram, so I followed her on Instagram to see if she would follow me back, and she blocked me. But some way, some how she still wants an apology, but she blocked the contact of me trying to text her because she assumed I’m just this bad person.”
And then there was this statement: “Everybody has feelings. You’re physically hurt but you’re not thinking of my mental. It’s hundreds of thousands of people attacking me. And all her family is thinking, ‘My daughter is hurt, so I don’t care about her feelings.’ But at the end of the day, I’m still a minor too. I’m still in high school…nobody is considering my feelings. Nobody except my family and my friends.”
Respectfully, everything I’ve heard is that Tucker is the cause for the injury to her own head, as well as for the apology she hasn’t received from Everett. As for the adults who can speak for her, I understand Everett’s parents’ desire to shroud her from the backlash and not see her end up with life-changing charges due to something that happened in a matter of seconds. But no matter the intentions, the hit happened. No matter how close Tucker got to Everett on that turn, the response was still a hit in the head. And no matter what’s happening now, Everett’s mother saying the victim “caused the accident by coming over. And sorry she got hit, but she didn’t mean to do it” does not help. Being defensive towards the victim just doesn’t work.
Had the spikes been on the other foot, and this situation went viral, and their daughter was injured in a video seen by most of the country, they might have handled things the way Tucker’s family has decided to.
But the way things currently stand, the focus for Mr. and Mrs. Everett has been on attempting to be lawyers for their daughter, breaking down what occurred in the video play-by-play, despite the incident looking the same no matter what angle you view. That’s not going to change anything. People, likely including the Tuckers, want to hear that it was a terrible accident, and they’re sorry it took place. Because at the end of the day, we as parents have to be the example that it’s essential to say you’re sorry, privately and publicly.
When my 2-year-old son, in a rage because he was tired, decided to push a child close to him while we were visiting a children’s museum recently, the other parent said, “It’s okay!” when I immediately and loudly said, “NO!” I apologized and made sure it was clear that it was not okay, in the least, for my son or any of the other toddlers around. In our frustrations, in our fury, we don’t get passes for poor, harmful behavior. And even when it’s an accident, the energy with which we should lead as parents is an apologetic tone. Had that been how the family came out to address the situation, the public would likely have been more understanding and said leniency was necessary, though our opinions don’t truly matter. But considering the Everetts are making the rounds to the public in an attempt to change the narrative about their daughter, their approach is more important than they realize.
I wish the best for both girls, and I don’t want to see Everett deal with any jail time or anything that could tarnish her record. She is a kid. And I’m sure that’s why her parents are doing what they can to show that while she’s the aggressor, she’s not naturally aggressive, and was cut off on the track. But the stance of being the victim in this whole situation has been unfortunate to witness, especially since it doesn’t change the fact that there’s a video of her assaulting a competitor on the track, whether it was done maliciously or by a slip that turned into a chaotic crash. Go hard against the legal system, sure, but show remorse for the injured party. Because when it comes down to it, Kaelen Tucker doesn’t need to hear a backstory or take the blame for her injury. She needs an apology and a sincere one.
