March is Sexual Pleasure Month. As we’re quickly approaching spring, many of us are actively thinking of switching up sex routines, in and outside of the bedroom. A surefire way to do so is incorporating the art of “nasty” sex. One might wonder what nasty sex is, and according to sexologist and researcher Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, nasty sex is an extension of kinky sex. “I prioritize the term nasty because it references Janet Jackson’s musical erotic evolution. Remember her first using it in her song “Nasty Boys” back in 1986 to chastise people who were sexually aggressive? By 1993, in her Janet album, and later in Velvet Rope and Discipline, she reclaims nasty sex and explores kinky themes in her music,” she states.
Hargons continues, “Janet, like many Black women, starts out resisting sexualization because she doesn’t want to be considered a bad or nasty girl. But as she gets older, she embraces her sexuality on her own terms because she understands that sexual liberation means not being bound by anybody else’s ideas of who she should be.”
She believes that nasty sex can be a gateway for Black women to experience sexual awakening. “Research by Natalie Malone shows how Black women find it liberating and healing. For instance, Black women who are leaders in their daily work lives and have a lot of responsibility reported enjoying sexual submission as a counterbalance. Or, as another type of example, women who struggle to assert themselves in other spaces or women who have survived sexual assault share that using nasty sex as a way to work through some of their trauma in a safe way helps them heal,” Hargons states.
As we covered previously, kinks can include anything from BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism) to fetishes like being worshipped. However, what people don’t understand about nasty sex is that it opens up a gateway to healthy conversation within the bedroom. “For most people who participate, there are really useful ways of talking about sex that make it consensual, intentional, and caring…sometimes much more so than vanilla (non-nasty) sex. In my book Good Sex: Stories, Science, and Strategies for Sexual Liberation, I talk about some of the other ways nasty sex can set you free. The goal of it is to allow yourself to be curious about your fantasies and honest about what’s getting in the way of you exploring them. Even if nasty sex isn’t for you, you get to learn more about your sexual self,” says Hargons.
A good example of kinky sex is engaging in power play or agreeing to share power with your partner by allowing them to be the more dominant person or the submissive one, depending on your preference. “This may include discussing how one of you will take direction from the other (in sexual and non-sexual ways), what the limits of this play are, whether you will use praise or degradation-based language, and how you will engage in aftercare once you’re done. Aftercare is an important part of the process because it helps you consolidate what you experienced together with affection and attentiveness,” she suggests.
Lastly, you can opt for role play, such as dressing up in specific characters with or for each other and acting out scenes. Whatever you decide, consider adding “nasty” sex within your sexual routines this spring and beyond.
